the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
