ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
