i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
