That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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