No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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