what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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