Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
