i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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