Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
