Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I love having hate sex.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
