Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Can I color on your dick again?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
