I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
