can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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