I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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