he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
