Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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