After last night, I could never be a politician.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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