I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
