So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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