Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
