i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
