i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
