i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
