I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
