i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
