Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
