Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
