Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
