I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
