my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
