Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
