I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
