I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
