dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
