Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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