He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You pole danced in your parka.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
