It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
