my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
