I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
