i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
