OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's never too late to be topless.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
