Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
