tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
