Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
