really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
