you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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