We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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