Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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