my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
