Redeem this text for a blowjob
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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