The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So vagazzling was a success
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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