Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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