There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
