You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
