she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
