Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
my penis made a compromise with my morals
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
