i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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