Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
