I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
