just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
