How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
