The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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